I got it!!! I have the solution to all of our carbon footprints! We can start a dry ice company!
Dry ice is solid CO2! We can collect those nasty carbon molecules and turn them into dry ice! We’ll store them in the old salt mines under Detroit and in caves throughout the world!
As the temperature of the earth rises, we can expose the dry ice and cool the world! Of course, we’ll have to recapture the CO2 and refreeze it.
I’m psyched! This is better than bottled water! This is better than a perpetual motion machine!
Our raw material is free (we can even charge a collection fee!) The end product will cool the world and stop global warming! Talk about a win/win situation!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
The Dread Tomato Addiction
Tortured by recent events, I believe it's time for a bit of levity. The "facts" below cannot be denied. Modus ponens and modus tollens be damned. It's too bad the man-made climate change folks never took logic. (This is an oldie, but a goodie...)
by Mark Clifton
92.4% of juvenile delinquents have eaten tomatoes.
87.1% of the adult criminals in penitentiaries throughout the United States have eaten tomatoes.
Informers reliably inform that of all known American communists, 92.3% have eaten tomatoes.
84% of all people killed in automobile accidents during the year 2006 had eaten tomatoes.
Those who object to singling out specific groups for statistical proofs require measurement within a total. Of those people born before the year 1850, regardless of race, color, creed, or caste, and known to have eaten tomatoes, there has been 100% mortality!
In spite of their dread addiction, a few tomato eaters born between 1850 and 1900 still manage to survive, but the clinical picture is poor -- their bones are brittle, their movements feeble, their skin seamed and wrinkled, their eyesight failing, hair falling, and frequently they have lost all their teeth.
Those born between 1900 and 1950 number somewhat more survivors, but the overt signs of the addiction's dread effects differ not in kind, but only in degree of deterioration. Prognostication is not hopeful.
Exhaustive experiment shows that when tomatoes are withheld from an addict, invariably his cravings will cause him to turn to substitutes -- such as oranges, or steak and potatoes. If both tomatoes and all substitutes are persistently withheld, death invariably results within a short time!
The skeptic of apocryphal statistics, or the stubborn non-conformist who will not accept the clearly proved conclusions of others, may conduct his own experiment.
Obtain two dozen tomatoes -- they may actually be purchased within a block of some high schools, or discovered growing in a respected neighbors back yard! Crush them to a pulp in exactly the state they would have if introduced into the stomach, pour the vile juice and pulp into a bowl, and place a goldfish therein. Within minutes the goldfish will be dead!
Those who argue that what affects a goldfish might not apply to a human being may, at their own choice, wish to conduct a direct experiment by fully immersing a live human head into the mixture for a full five minutes...
Best results will be obtained by using an experimental subject who... frequently uses the logic methods demonstrated herein, such as:
a) A politician
b) An advertising copywriter
c) A dedicated moralist. Extremely plentiful in supply, and the experimenter might even obtain a bounty on each from a grateful community.
* * * * *
Note: First published in 1958, in Analog magazine, the dates have been adjusted.
by Mark Clifton
92.4% of juvenile delinquents have eaten tomatoes.
87.1% of the adult criminals in penitentiaries throughout the United States have eaten tomatoes.
Informers reliably inform that of all known American communists, 92.3% have eaten tomatoes.
84% of all people killed in automobile accidents during the year 2006 had eaten tomatoes.
Those who object to singling out specific groups for statistical proofs require measurement within a total. Of those people born before the year 1850, regardless of race, color, creed, or caste, and known to have eaten tomatoes, there has been 100% mortality!
In spite of their dread addiction, a few tomato eaters born between 1850 and 1900 still manage to survive, but the clinical picture is poor -- their bones are brittle, their movements feeble, their skin seamed and wrinkled, their eyesight failing, hair falling, and frequently they have lost all their teeth.
Those born between 1900 and 1950 number somewhat more survivors, but the overt signs of the addiction's dread effects differ not in kind, but only in degree of deterioration. Prognostication is not hopeful.
Exhaustive experiment shows that when tomatoes are withheld from an addict, invariably his cravings will cause him to turn to substitutes -- such as oranges, or steak and potatoes. If both tomatoes and all substitutes are persistently withheld, death invariably results within a short time!
The skeptic of apocryphal statistics, or the stubborn non-conformist who will not accept the clearly proved conclusions of others, may conduct his own experiment.
Obtain two dozen tomatoes -- they may actually be purchased within a block of some high schools, or discovered growing in a respected neighbors back yard! Crush them to a pulp in exactly the state they would have if introduced into the stomach, pour the vile juice and pulp into a bowl, and place a goldfish therein. Within minutes the goldfish will be dead!
Those who argue that what affects a goldfish might not apply to a human being may, at their own choice, wish to conduct a direct experiment by fully immersing a live human head into the mixture for a full five minutes...
Best results will be obtained by using an experimental subject who... frequently uses the logic methods demonstrated herein, such as:
a) A politician
b) An advertising copywriter
c) A dedicated moralist. Extremely plentiful in supply, and the experimenter might even obtain a bounty on each from a grateful community.
* * * * *
Note: First published in 1958, in Analog magazine, the dates have been adjusted.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Stimulate This!
Read it and weep.....
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/graphic/2009/02/01/GR2009020100154.html
Included in all the pork, the package contains $6.1 billions dollars binned to "Other". I wonder what that is.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/graphic/2009/02/01/GR2009020100154.html
Included in all the pork, the package contains $6.1 billions dollars binned to "Other". I wonder what that is.
Green Shirts
Included in O’Bama’s campaign rhetoric was the promise of jobs. The rage was from 1 million to 3 million jobs that will be added to the American economy. Even considering the stated areas of health care, infrastructure and the like, actual numbers will still come up far short of the 3 million projections.
When the carbon credit/cap and trade laws come to pass, who will enforce these laws, rules and regulations? Tah-dah! The Green Shirts!
We can’t expect current staff of law enforcement to take on the additional task. Reminiscent of the “Brown Shirts” the Nazis used, the “Green Shirts” will patrol with streets, looking for offenders and turning them in. These men and women will be feared above all others. Sniffing out Sunday afternoon barbeques, tickets will be issued and fines will be paid. A search warrant will not be required, since the green shirt will have probable cause due to the smell of burning mesquite and sizzling t-bones.
IMHO, 3 million people will not be enough. O’Bama will overachieve his goal with Algore at his side.
When the carbon credit/cap and trade laws come to pass, who will enforce these laws, rules and regulations? Tah-dah! The Green Shirts!
We can’t expect current staff of law enforcement to take on the additional task. Reminiscent of the “Brown Shirts” the Nazis used, the “Green Shirts” will patrol with streets, looking for offenders and turning them in. These men and women will be feared above all others. Sniffing out Sunday afternoon barbeques, tickets will be issued and fines will be paid. A search warrant will not be required, since the green shirt will have probable cause due to the smell of burning mesquite and sizzling t-bones.
IMHO, 3 million people will not be enough. O’Bama will overachieve his goal with Algore at his side.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
O'Bama's Cabinet
I'm just wondering if all the Cabinet positions have been filled. Frankly, I welcome all the appointees that owe back taxes. As a matter of fact, I think it should be a requirement in order to be considered for a Cabinet position. This will do a lot to reduce the public debt.
It does beg the question: Would these folks be paying these taxes if they hadn't been "caught"?
They are fine role models for the general public.
It does beg the question: Would these folks be paying these taxes if they hadn't been "caught"?
They are fine role models for the general public.
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